June 10, 2020

How to Talk About Racism in Your Household

Written by Laney Kennedy

Parent Resources

Table of Contents

Racism is an ongoing issue that’s ever-present, especially in American history. It’s a troubling topic that can be extremely overwhelming, for both kids and adults.

As a parent, it might be difficult to know what to say to your children. You want to shield them, but also don’t want them to be uninformed or get their information from sources you don’t trust.

We understand, and we want to help you have these conversations as best you can.

Here are eight tips for talking to your kids about racism.

1. Acknowledge your privilege

For White parents, thinking about these conversations can be nerve-wracking.

But Black parents don’t have the option to deliberate on whether they should approach these topics. Teaching about racism from the start is a necessary part of raising children, to protect their safety as much as possible.

For anyone worried about talking to their white children right now—worried that their kid is too young for these conversations—I was 5 or 6 when my Dad told me “no matter what you do, some people will always hate you.” Black children don’t get to not understand racism.
— Tawny Newsome (@TrondyNewman) June 2, 2020

So while it might feel daunting, recognize the position you’re able to speak to your kids from and work to understand what it means to have privilege in different situations.

As Author Robin J. DiAngelo explains, "White privilege is the automatic, taken-for-granted advantage bestowed upon white people as a result of living in a society based on the premise of white as the human ideal, and that from its founding established white advantage as a matter of law and today as a matter of policy and practice."

When you’ve acknowledged your privilege, you’ll be better equipped to explain issues surrounding race to your child in a way they can understand.

2. Educate yourself first

Make sure you’re well informed on the topic of racism before you start a conversation with your child about it.

When you’re armed with knowledge, you’ll feel more confident having these discussions.

Not only will you be better able to explain the topic and answer questions, but your confidence will also help your child feel more comfortable with what they’re hearing.

Find more resources below to help you learn.

3. Communicate openly with kids

It’s true that these conversations can be difficult, but children often notice and understand a lot more than you think.

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Avoiding or watering down the topic won’t help your child. In fact, it might make it more likely that they go looking for information from sources that aren’t age-appropriate.

This doesn’t mean you have to be completely candid -- there are ways to present the truth without giving your child all the information about violent or disturbing current events.

For example, when talking about police brutality, you might want to explain how police systematically treat Black people unfairly, and talk about victims without detailing their exact situations.

To openly communicate about race and racism, make sure you:

Don’t avoid kids’ questions -- Try to answer them as honestly as you can.
Make conversations age-appropriate -- Decide what’s right for their age and maturity level. Use more positive language for younger children and more transparency for older children.
Admit that you don’t have all the answers -- If your child asks a question you’re not sure about, commit to learning more together.

4. Make race an ongoing conversation

Current events shouldn’t be the only entry into these conversations.

The best way to help your child understand issues surrounding racism is to talk about it as often as you can.

Teach your child about how and where racism shows up. Talk about how we might unknowingly exhibit prejudice in our daily lives. Help them spot injustices -- even small ones -- and encourage them to make an effort to be anti-racist.

Image source: Beloved Community

Speak often about topics like:

Diversity
Stereotypes
Black history
White privilege
Police brutality
Racial profiling
Racial inequality
Microaggressions
The history of racism

It’s also important to speak about race in a positive way. Teach your child that our differences are a good thing. Don’t teach them to be “colorblind” -- it’s not wrong to acknowledge that we’re all different.

If your child makes a judgment about someone else based on their race (or any other differences), use that moment to start a conversation about it. Ask them why they thought the way they did, then work to deconstruct this judgment.

5. Acknowledge their feelings

Whether your child is directly affected or not, these topics are serious. They are tragic, scary and can cause anxiety for many adults, let alone children.

Ensure your child doesn’t go through these feelings alone. Acknowledge them, validate them, then talk through them.

For example, your child might feel concerned for their black peers when they learn about racial injustices. In this situation, tell them you understand why they feel this way. Talk about how they can work on being an ally to their friends and classmates.

6. Try to limit media exposure

Talking about racism is the first step. The more they learn from you, the less they have to figure out for themselves.

But kids are also often exposed to these topics on their own and may hear or see things we don’t want them to.

Use your best judgment to show them media that can teach them about these topics, while limiting their exposure to the violent content that can cause lasting anxiety for them.

Learn more about media exposure for children.

7. Provide resources

A great way to limit negative media exposure is to expose your child to age-appropriate resources.

Help further their knowledge with books, movies and videos on these topics.

Try these:

Remember that you don’t have to carry these conversations all by yourself. Leverage Black voices as much as you can to help you and your child learn more.

8. Lead by example

We know children learn a lot from modeling their parents’ behavior. That’s why one of the best ways to teach your child about racism is to take action against racism yourself.

Show your child what it means to be an ally. Support Black people and People of Color in your community. Surround yourself with a diverse group of friends and peers. Diversify your media at home.

Serve as a role model and make an effort to walk the walk in your daily life.